Saturday, January 31, 2009

I LOVE LISTING!

1. To be a good great student. (self)
2. To be a better daughter/sister. (family)
3. To stay in shape and drink virtually no alcohol. (self)
4. To stay in touch with everyone. (friends)
5. To cuss less! (self)

So it seems my main focus in on myself but ultimately I'm just trying to be a better person. This weekend has been pretty interesting by far. Tell me why I've already had heartfelt conversations with two of my brothers. I'm honestly just flattered that they take what I tell them to heart. It really motivates me to become a social worker or family/marriage counselor of some sort. Oh the joys of life. You'd think I'd be PMSing drastically right now (because it is, after all, that time of the month) but I'm in such a good mood. I would like to keep it that way.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

MOVING ON, MOVING STRONG!

I have honestly come to the humble realization that the person who I really cannot seem to move past is not my ex-boyfriend, my ex-best friend, or any other external factor in my life. It's me. Or who I was at least. This completely lethargic, self centered, nonchalant character that I managed to transform myself into for some period of time. It's true what they say about being in the heat of the moment because my vision sure was blurred at that time period; however, now more than ever my vision has cleared. Plus I feel like all that self confidence that I had lost before has been restored! That is of course thanks to the people who decided to stick by me even when I was a complete and utter mess (e.g. my phenomenal family, friends, and then some). I'm me again! Damn, it feels so good to proclaim it too!

Monday, January 26, 2009

TRUTH IS,

some people NEED someone to help them get by,
some people have enough to strength to walk on alone,
and some people are still trying to figure it out.

I'm definitely still in the midst of figuring it all out.
&that's completely fine.
Hell, I'm not only young and determined...
I'm also a hell of a fighter (and a lover).
The best is yet to come and 'till then,
I'll be doing my own thing.

So I'll leave it at that for the day.


Today is another blessing and what do you know,
it's also gorgeous outside! :)

Friday, January 23, 2009

LAST NIGHT ...

I had a dream! Hahaha. All MLK status right? Okay but seriously I did have a strange dream. But come to think about it and it really makes sense WHY I had a dream about him. I was, afterall, discussing what had happened between us two like all of last night. Honestly, I take five steps forward and a million back. No bueno. I do want to move on ... like that's really what I yearn for ... but something is seriously holding me back. What frustrates me the most is the fact that I do't understand why. Why must I be so reminiscent? Why am I convinced that we will have a future (a far one at that) together? Why am I being a psychotic bitch? You know how it is! I'm just jotting down a few questions to ponder. Psshh ... yeah right.

Anyways about that dream. We basically crossed paths all randomly and something about his father being a total spazz and getting lost but he was gracious enough to give me and some other gals a ride but then we used his car? Goodness gracious, it was a strange dream. Point blatant... we ended up hooking up and all I remember was feeling really good to be in his arms and the strange thing was I sensed the same sensation from him. Then it got really odd and I tried to RAPE him, hahaha. Okay it wasn't that vulgar but it would have definitely been unacceptable in a public setting. Then it gets amazing and I seduce that nigga! He was resisting (granted he was, and is in actuality, in a relationship) yet he succumbed to my will. Thank God for that. I guess that entire dream just signifies how lonely I really am inside.

Then I remember all the tears I shed and it manages to cancel out any good thoughts I have remaining of him.

Why do I keep doing this! Goodness gracious. kebkfjbdsjfbjsdnfkdjsbfhkdshjsfd. That's how I feel. Oh well.

On a lighter note... this quarter is doing better than last. I can take pride in that. Not that I've really been busting my hiney a lot more but I think I'm better adapted to the "college life" thus resulting in the progress in this quarter. I say all this and first round of midterms haven't even come by yet. That's okay -- I'm going to do great. Duh.

Well, that will be the gist of it for the meanwhile. I need to attempt productivity right now. Toodles.