title.

I wrote down title as my title, how unoriginal. Haha. It's 3:39 AM on the spot. I'm watching a movie titled American Gun on Encore Drama. Let me just say ... it is quite dramatic. It just reminded me of how I always seem to be most attracted to people who triumph over their troubles and become something great. Oh there's another characteristic to add onto my turn-on list. Can you say Ricardo Nunez in a nut shell. Hahaha. As a friend of mine once put it in the past, "you're into intellectual gangsters." Oh yes, oh yes indeed!

So there are a few events I am seriously looking forward to. Besides the fact that I'm spending just about every day of my break with my sistaaa friend Vageezie, I also have a few more exciting points to check off of my to-do list. Can you say Disneyland and parties? Oh baby!

There are so many thoughts lingering through my mind but I'm somewhat hesistant to jot 'em down. I don't know why but I am. It's getting late. I'm gaining weight. I just rhymed.







I will continue tomorrow. Seriously!

inspiiiiiiiiiiired.

Notice the multiple i's in the word inspired! That would be because I managed to inspire myself. That makes me sound self centered but please, please ... let me explain.

So lately my sleeping patterns have been fucked. Let me emphasize on the word .. F U C K E D. Due to the fact that I'm one of the world's most shameful procrastinators, I've had to pull two all nighters in one week and now I'm a bat ... nocturnal and black. Haha. Well, by black I mean that's what I have around my eyes! These disgsuting black circles that make me look like some caffeine addicted depressed single man living in Seattle. Okay, that wasn't exaggerating at all! Back to my point...

Last night before I fell asleep I really got to thinking about this person I've become. I guess the nostalgia can be attributed to reading countless old blogs, diaries, myspace messages, etc. and so that's why I've been drawing so many philosophies on life, or at least my life. So this whole deal about liking people who are older than me, it all sort of makes sense. All my life I've always been treated with the highest regard by those around me. I've always been labeled "too mature" for my age. I've always been put in situations where I'm somewhat forced to take on a mentality that differs from the state of mind that I should be putting on at that age. (I don't know how much those statements just made sense but I'm pretty sure they did, lol.) Okay so anyways ... these facts explain why my expectations in a relationship turn out to be the polar opposite. It's that whole "I'm tired of this ... I want something else" rational going on. The most appreciated people in my life aren't the ones who treat me the way that everyone else has thus far, it's the ones who decide to break away from the norm. That would explain why my last relationship was so different. He honestly babied me in a sense? And hell, let me just tell you that I thoroughly enjoyed it. Now don't get me wrong ... I'm not exactly looking for someone who wants to tuck me in nightly or buckle my seatbelt .. EHEM .. but it's someone who just knows how to attend to my utmost desire without me saying a single word. I do believe the word for it is .. chemistry. God, how the hell do I come up with this shit? Haha. I guess from all the "counseling" I do with the brothers, my parents, my siblings, and friends ... I tend to take on a different perspective on relationships of all sorts. Holla at this psych major! :]

Now now now ... I have another topic of interest that I've been meaning to discuss. MI AMIGOS Sheva Nina Goodarzi. You know how people always say you make your greatest friends in college? She has definitely captured that title and I can honestly see her as one of my bridesmaids (if I do choose to get married because Lord knows there's a toss up about that situation). This girl epitomizes spunky, sexy, sassy, and superb all at once. Lol, okay maybe that's an overstatement! Hahaha. I don't sound lesbo right now at all, naaaw .. naaaaaw. But on a serious note, UCI wouldn't be what it amounts to me as if I didn't have you in Nani's suite with me daaaarling.

Okay back to studying. Finals week, I love to hate you and hate to love you. Wish me luck, I plan on busting my hiney! :] Then it's Spring breaaaaak and that would mean .. FELISI <3 Hip hip hoooooray.

FUCK!

This is my just ranting so please excuse the informal language.


FUCCCCKIIIIIN A! fuck fuck fuck. Okay so talk about sticky situations. It's like Sean (I forgot his last name) all over again. Shit what was his last name? Haha. But anyways! I think I'm gonna stop sending mixed signals because truth be told ... I do not want to be THAT person.

I truly wonder ...

if I'll ever recover from that state of mind?
if I could ever fully get past ... the past?
if I will come across someone to help me attain all this?



At this very moment the answer seems to be no.
Oh well, life moves on!

VALENTINE'S DAY AND I MIX LIKE OIL AND WATER!

Regardless the fact that I've actually enjoyed my past three years of attempts to celebrate against the declared holiday ... I can never help but feel that ultimately Valentine's Day's effects are disastrous. This year I got sushi (haha) and a sunflower. That would be a semi-step up from last years tulips and a boyfriend. I guess?

My point? I'm stuck in a pickle once again. But that's nothing new because I always manage to get myself caught up in situations such as the one I'm currently engaged in. Truth be told, I enjoy the thrill. I just worry that I might end up hurting others in the process and that's something I would never do with intention.

Okay so moving on... I am thoroughly enjoying school right now. Besides the Chicano Studies midterm which I could have received a perfect score on but instead fluked on ... everything else is going great. Finals are going to be here in no time and I'm ready to kick it's ass. I have a pretty firm grip on who I can count on around school and who my true friends are back home. I am still quite the procrastinator but I'm improving upon the treacherous habit gradually.

Even when the weather is as depressing as it is right now (overcast and pouring) I still remain a happy soul. I thank the Lord for blessing me with this feeling.

NOTE TO SELF: No matter what, always stay true to yourself and everything you stand for.
I know it might make me come off ignorant to acknowledge others' perspectives but I'm so easily swayed so before I consider anyone else ... I'm choosing to acknowledge myself.

And I'll leave it at that!

WELL, WELL, WELL ...

I just realized that I totally have a crush. I love crush phases, they keep you on the edge of your seat. You know enough that the person can make you feel a certain pleasant way but you're not in too deep that you're neurotic. I must say ... this would have to be my favorite stage! This and the honeymoon stage are both pretty sweet.

On a lighter note, I just had the BEST weekend of my life. There really is no other way of putting it. Jennessa and Sheva are g-darn blessings and I am so glad I brought them home with me.

OKAY OKAY .. I'm ending it here. I lost my definite urge to spill my emotions out.

TALK ABOUT TRANSITIONS!

So tell me why I had the most interesting experience yesterday. Not only do I bump into Sharon and Julian, I also had the pleasure of bumping into two attractive fellows. Oh life sure is sweet sometimes. I would say that for every ugly feeling I had bottled within about them, I did pretty good yesterday. It only helps that I know I still got my groove. Dang girl! Haha. But on a real note, that was a memory for the books! Did I add that it was Superbowl and the damn Steelers won? No effin bueno. But I got to be with my favorite chicas en el todo mundo--- Lextacy and Iliana!

Today I officially established my friendship with our janitor in the hall. It made me feel like I was back in high school. I just love being interactive with those around me. That's when it really begins to feel like home! I love life, even when it has it's downs ... nope, I still love it!